I knew once I left you’d find somebody new.
Oh Dear, if you only knew.
I saw the end before you begun,
Never was I blinded so I took what was mine.
I don’t feel lonely,
I just feel replaced.
Nothing is new,
Nothing will ever be rejected.
Go ahead,
We’ll see who wins this match.
Go ahead,
We’ll see who experiences the light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m not trying to complain,
I’m not trying to sound desperate.
I’m trying to get through to you,
And tell you I don’t need you.
I just wanted a friendship that could last,
But again the time passed.
I don’t think what I was thinking;
Actually trying and wanting to believe this.
I’m always implusive to new things,
But in the end I know how it’s gonna play out.
So I just don’t bother to act towards it,
Because it’s already played a dozen times in my head.
but when I get the chance to actually write, nothing comes out the way I want it to.
Like..I don’t want it to just ryhme.
I want to make it sound and feel true, because what I write about it always so true. It’s not necessarily deep or anything, it’s just something that’s there and makes for a good poem.
I used to be able to write about someone for weeks at a time. Writing details about them using certain mystery words to describe their being. Now, it’s just blank. I don’t have anybody to write about. Nobody.
It’s alright that I don’t have someone to write about, it would just be nice. Pleasant to learn from and about, and to study someone new. Someone I’ve never seen in my life. Or maybe even heard their name before.
As unique as that sounds, I don’t want to have to search for that. It should just come.
Until then, I’ll keep writing, of course. I’m not gonna stop just because I don’t have a specific person to love. And I’m not looking for someone to love, either. Just someone to study is all.
Any takers?
Even now I don’t believe,
In everything that I see.
Straightedge was all I ever knew,
Now it’s slipping away into Sky’s blue.
It isn’t as bad as it seems;
Just give me another chance to be clean.
Sober just isn’t my thing;
That was only Midnight’s theme.
It’s all over now,
13 and I can’t go back.
Years later I’ll remember;
Years later and I still can’t surrender.
Do I want to,
Or do I not.
This wouldn’t be as hard,
If only my thoughts weren’t tied in a hundred knots.
I don’t want want to say,
But do me a favor and don’t sink.
My thoughts are fine;
For myself I can surely still think.
I’ll never fade,
I’m always there.
Just like a star,
I’m shining until I fly to land/
Farther and farther away I float,
It doesn’t matter because I am not a boat.
If there’s a leak,
I will not drown.
If there’s a city,
Close by there should be a small town.
Maybe there,
I’ll learn to settle down.
Seattle isn’t my land;
To the Indians it will stay.
Boston is lovely,
There’s only clouds to go around.
We never fade,
We’re always there.
Warming the Earth,
And stealing the Sun’s light.
I shine by myself,
Unknown to any others.
Whatever I am,
I’m soon to be discovered.
After 2 months I’m still here. Praying that from here on out I can keep it real. I just hope that in the end, I can be your lovely friend.
Nothing you could ever do or say,
Would ever make me change my ways.
You’re desperate and naive,
Honestly you’re my only pet peeve.
Why you stayed so long,
I will never know.
Why did you always stay,
When I just wanted you to go?
As casual as casual could be,
As lonely as I am myself I would have ever seen.
Back and forth are those nights I didn’t sleep,
I think it’s safe to say I didn’t fall that deep.
I built a wall with the motto to never surrender,
I gladly washed away anyone who didn’t deserve to enter.
Seeing as how the season is new,
This season is the reason for my everlasting sue.
Suing you of life, Pursuing selfish behavior.
Knowing how to fly a kite on a windy day,
Building a camp fire with my only savior.
Surviving means nothing when you can’t love with your own hands,
I’m sure enough I’ll forever and always find a better man.
Seeing with your eyes means nothing to me if you’re unwilling to see past the stars,
Look past the stars and I can assure you we’ll never part.
(unfinished)
Nothing never turns out quite the way it should.
Writing paragraphs about those who never show,
Complaining about the ones who never want to go.
Coming back as if you belong,
Truth is I didn’t want you all along.
You don’t belong here,
That’s one thing I could never deny.
I was happy before I knew you,
But I’ll be thrilled when you leave.
I once lived before you,
Watch me live without your constant nag.
Watch me walk away,
Without even one little brag.
Every month there’s a different show,
It seems as if I’m the only one who goes.
Staying patient wouldn’t be so hard,
If someone could give me one good reason to even stay at all.
I’ve been tired and annoyed,
But all I ask for is one simple ignore.
Ignore me and taunt me,
Steal me from my ways.
Maybe it’s me who’s been needing to be saved.
I’m not saying you don’t matter,
Because it is mind over matter.
I’m just saying that in my mind,
You will never matter.
How does it feel to be cheated again,
Don’t save yourself by trying to fight the wind.
It’s uncontrollable in every direction,
And when something comes your way remember to look twice.
Your energy will never be enough,
But I’m not saying that you can’t keep up.
It’s your personality that has been screwing you,
Not the ones who’ve been neglecting you.
Staying true to myself has always been so easy,
But when you have so many thoughts it’s hard to keep it covered.
I never said you didn’t matter,
Because it is mind over matter.
I’m just saying that maybe if you put your mind into it,
You’d realize in my mind why you never mattered.
I thought I knew my way around,
But I got too caught up on leaving town.
It seemed safe as first,
Now at the end there’s only a burst.
Energy floating softly through the air,
Waiting for summer is like waiting for hail.
Tearing through paper like it’s invisible,
Feeling this way I never thought was possible.
I let them all go,
One at a time do they all say no.
Coming back is an option,
It just doesn’t happen often.
The words I say,
And the way I sway,
I wished my cold heart was just enough to hate.
Formal goodbyes never meant so little,
There’s nothing more for my hands to do and nothing more that I could say or do.
Sowing shirts made of ribbon and adding an extra bow,
Singing along to a sing written by an old friend,
Those things will never change like the way my mind did when you were here.
Now you’re there and I’m still here,
Caught up on another roundabout.
There’s no chance of escaping because when they’re gone,
They’ve left for good.
When I’m alone I’ll be thankful for the ones who stayed all along.
Through my drinking phase,
To my wanting to throw it all away,
Every step has made me who I am today.
It’s no lie that I can’t change the past,
But if it’s the future I can change, mail me a one-way pass.
Did I not push you away good enough the first time,
Or this is your turn to make another fool out of yourself
I’ll never believe any word you say,
It all seems like a sorry play.
You wrote it while you had a broken heart.
Now the way you sing to me in the shower,
Will never compare to my fellow love.
